LGBTQ+ Family Parenting Guide

There are over one million same-sex couple households in the United States. Despite this number, there are legal and financial hurdles that still exist for LGBTQ+ parenting including adoption and surrogacy costs. There is a large need gap where legal advice and rights awareness are concerned.

Support groups, diverse media, and inclusive communities are some resources that can help LGBTQ+ parents to raise their children with confidence as a same-sex family. Let us explore same-sex family parenting and offer you some tips and supportive strategies to help you navigate your LGBTQ+ parenting journey.

Same-Sex Families

The Census Bureau recorded about 1.2 million same-sex couple households in the U.S. in 2021. This was almost double the number recorded in the previous year, which was about 594,000. At the time,  couples were unmarried, because no states performed same-sex marriages. 

Historically, homophobia, exclusion,  and public scrutiny caused it to be very difficult for LGBTQ+ couples to become parents. However, with an increased acceptance of same sex-couples, there has been an increase in same-sex parenting and families. As well, there have been increased options for same-sex couples to become parents. 

Additionally, research suggests that children from same-sex family settings fare as well as, if not better than, children from ‘traditional’ family settings. Further, parents’ sexual orientation has no impact on the outcome of a child's development. 

Challenges Facing LGBTQ+ Parents in Starting a Family

Laws and Regulations

U.S. federal law does not prevent LGBTQ+ couples from having children or being adoptive parents. However,  different states may have restrictions or barriers, thus LGBTQ+ parents must perform due diligence regarding  laws that may impact custody or parental rights in the states or countries they intend to live in. 

Laws and regulations about parenting, parental rights, and custody in some regions are taxing to LGBTQ+ parents. Currently, 14 states allow state-licensed child welfare agencies to deny placement and support services to children and families - LGBTQ+ people and same-sex couples - if doing so conflicts with their religious beliefs.

The Cost of LGBTQ+ Family Planning

The costs associated with LGBTQ+ family planning may present challenges for aspiring parents. Insemination and surrogacy both carry legal as well as financial implications for same-sex couples. Surrogacy expenses for medical, insurance, travel, and legal services can range from $60,000 to upwards of $150,000. 

An attorney who specializes in Reproductive Law, can assist in addressing concerns about birth certificates or legal rights to the child. LGBTQ+ parenting plans that involve adoption, insemination, or surrogacy, benefit from specialized legal counsel. Though the costs may vary, they usually range between $100 and $500 per hour.

Tips for Raising a Child in a Same-Sex Family

LGBTQ+ parents experience the same concerns that many heterosexual parents face when raising children, including finances, responsibilities of parenthood, providing appropriate structure, teaching open and honest communication, establishing healthy conflict resolution, monitoring growth and health, among others.

LGBTQ+ families often face additional challenges, such as social stigma, unsupportive families, discrimination, homophobia, bullying, and the general culture that has been traditionally heterosexist in its beliefs and values. 

Further, the sexual orientation of same-sex couples may be raised in court as a reason to restrict or deny custody, and their ability to adopt. On the bright side, there are resources available such as support groups, inclusive communities, and media that can help LGBTQ+ persons with family planning and parenting issues.

Support Groups

Raising children in an LGBTQ+ family can be isolating, and local or digital support groups tend to provide reassurance for these parents. There are many cities that have LGBTQ+ community centers that host support groups, social events, as well as provide resources that are specifically tailored to LGBTQ+ parents and their families.

Many forums and support groups online are dedicated to LGBTQ+ parenting. On platforms such as Family Equality, Reddit, and Facebook, LGBTQ+ parents can share advice and experiences as well as connect with other families in similar situations. 

Diverse TV and Books

Most families represented in movies, TV shows, and books are usually heteronormative, but representation contributes to feeling seen, and accepted. Media that includes same-sex couples in their storylines allows children to be more confident in their family situation, when they see a family similar to theirs depicted in the media.

Some examples of shows, movies, and books that feature same-sex parents include, but are not limited to:

• Modern Family (TV)
• Mama and Mommy and Me in the Middle (picture book)
• Heather Has Two Mommies (picture book)
• Grey’s Anatomy (TV)
• Nimona (Movie)
• Wendell & Wild (TV)
• Stella Brings the Family (picture book)
• A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo (children’s book)
• Daddy and Pop (children’s book)
• And Tango Makes Three (children’s book)
• Bathe the Cat (picture book)

Check for Inclusivity

It is prudent to check the policies on inclusion and discrimination of a daycare, school, or extracurricular activities group before enrolling your children. This will help you find organizations and institutions that will support, include, and nurture your diverse children and same-sex family.

Therapy and Counselling

Whether individual therapy, couples therapy, or family therapy, LBGTQ+ parents, as well as their children, may benefit from therapy to help them work through any challenges or fears they may experience.

Therapy can be in-person, but online therapy has been found to be just as effective. The increase in providers both in-person or online gives room for parents to select therapists based on identity factors like age, gender, faith, and sexual orientation, enabling LGBTQ+ parents to find a provider suitable for theirs or their child’s needs.

Additional Resources

• Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere (COLAGE): Is dedicated to helping children of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and/or transgender parents and families.
• Gay Parent Magazine:  Focuses on the varied experiences that LGBTQ+ families have had with international and domestic adoption, foster care, donor insemination, surrogacy, and more.
• Human Rights Campaign Foundation (HRC): Is the largest civil rights organization in the U.S. and works toward achieving LGBTQ+ equality.
• Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians, Gays, Bisexual and Transgender (PFLAG): Educates and supports everyone who is part of the life of an individual of the sexual minority.
• Strong Family Alliance: is a nonprofit that provides support and resources to the parents of LGBTQ+ children who are coming out.
• The Trevor Project: Is an American nonprofit that focuses on suicide prevention efforts among LGBTQ+ youth.

Bottom Line

Same-sex families are a minority in the U.S. Although subjected to scrutiny and limited representation in the media, same-sex parents have demonstrated that they can do a good job when it comes to raising children. 

The LGBTQ+ family community is continuously growing and same-sex families beginning their parental journey can find many support groups, communities, and resources that can help them raise their children with confidence.

Contact Us

If you are a same-sex couple considering parenthood, we here at Nevada Center For Reproductive Medicine are committed to providing relevant family-building services with our LGBTQ+ family-building resources. We provide personalized fertility treatment to all our patients at our fertility centers. Contact us today for more information.